Monday, July 20, 2009

A Glimpse Into the Female Psyche...

I have spent most of the morning talking dating and relationships with a good friend. And this is my philosophy on the whole situation.

Yes, it is true that women can have sex whenever they want. IF they are willing to hookup with randoms. It's easy. If we put ourselves out there, lots of guys would be willing to rise to the occasion [no pun intended.] Whereas men really do have to work for it. However, on the flip side of that, relationships come easier for men when that is what they are looking for, and even sometimes, when it is not.

See, women [most of us at any rate] are not looking for an Adonis. Most of the time we fall for painfully mediocre men [whom to us, along with personality become our own Adonis.] Likewise, I can not reiterate enough, that cockiness is the biggest turn off to us. Modesty is key. We fall for that guy that makes us feel incredible, we could walk out first thing in the morning without any makeup, friday night sex hair, and an old t-shirt, and still manage to put a smile on his face.

Men [most of them] on the other hand, are so much more visual. Men are turned on by beauty, and what society has set forth as the standard of a fox. That's what guys want. A lot of the time they could care less if said fox is brainless, lacking in wit or common sense. It's all about saying "Hey...this is mine. I'm tagging that." And with some, it all about the game. Then one day, BAM! It is out of their system and they realize...."shit, so this is what I have been missing out on."

Don't get me wrong, you should always be proud of the person you are dating, or even just choosing to spend your time with. You should want to show them off for what a wonderful human being they are. But the simple truth is that...women are more apt to desire a relationship, than a string of one night stands. Been there, done that, been offered recently. Speaking from personal experience, sex is one of the best things that life has to offer. But empty sex is really, very lonely. Sure it is fun, and sometimes it is exactly what you need at exactly the right time.

In my case, I have gone down that path. I also have been in many relationships, some more longterm than others. Unfortunately, many of those times I have learned that my significant other was being shared, or that I was indeed the dirty little mistress, the bitch on the side. There is no worse way to break a woman's spirit. After I ended my last relationship, I did the randoms thing again. And it may have made me feel better at the time...but in the longrun, it still makes you feel empty.

Women want to know that a relationship is something shared between them and one other peson, who sees their greatest attributes, without the desire for someone on the side to make up for what they feel they are missing out on. Perhaps it is true in this respect, that women do mature more rapidly than men. The truth of the matter is, it all depends on your frame of mind. Random casual sex is nice. But it's not something you can curl up with, count on, trust at the end of the day. So if you find someone who completely blows your mind, don't let them walk away because they don't fit the perfection that you have dreamed up in your head. You can't have it all, and no one is perfect. Regardless of whether the relationship works out or not, at least you wont look back on it some day and say "man, I really fucked up with that one."

I apologize for the extreme case of emo here with this topic. I am just in that state of mind right now, where I have been blissfully in love, but have yet to experience the real thing. Whether long-lasting or short-term. I've never truly felt the full circle kind of love and as a woman...I'm missing out on a lot. My desire right now, is to know that someone [other than my frieds, though I love you all] can see my best attributes, and respect them, and truly care about and accept me for the person that I am. Not just approach me as a piece of ass.

Now I am sure that some of you guys are going to have another insight, or point of view on this. Please, feel free to share your opinion. This one is officially open for discussion, because really...we all could use a little glimpse into the innermost workings of the opposite sex.


Craig said...

What sucks Andi, Is not all guys want the hottest chick in the room. I want the nicest. I don't even try to find a chick to have sex with, I just want one I can be me with. And no matter how hard I look or try, I'm not the idea looking guy, so even the nice ones pass me by. Dating is a catch 22 on all sides. I'd love to find a dorky chick that'd know I'd treasure her more then anyone else in the world would think too. Some dreams I guess.