A Personal Journal Entry.

Yes, you read that correctly. I pulled this entry directly from my personal journal, because I thought it was worth sharing. I don't write all that often anymore, but I was feeling the need to pick up a pen. Notations added in parenthesis.

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11/28/10

A lot on my mind today. It is Mike's 29th birthday, or it would have been. In just about a week, it will mark one year since I said my final goodbye to him. Thankfully, my last memory of him was that smiling face. Though I feel like we all got cheated, losing him so young. I'm missing my grandmother quite a bit too. December always makes me a little more blue than usual. It was her favorite holiday...more later....

I JUST HAD THE BEST STONER REVELATION. EVER.
I'm high - listenin' to Christmas Songs while I should be folding laundry. I just got back from the craft store. Bought some decor for an upcoming holiday party at Alex and Adri's. I just realized how amazing, if not hectic (as usual), December is looking this year. Why? It is like it was when Maw Maw(my grandmother, who passed 10 years ago)was here. FESTIVE. I was buying stuff to make some decorative drink favors and some decorations for the party, and now I am high as a fuckin' kite - and it hits me! Sometimes, I feel like the person I have become would disappoint her. I smoke pot, I curse like a sailor (which she hated,) I'm out of shape. Sometimes it feels like she is slipping away. But now I know. She is not. I don't disappoint her, she would love me regardless. She has instilled kindness and cheer into me, and she always stimulated my creative side during the holidays. Christmas was like a mega-festive reason to be cheerful and kind all month long. She is WHY I am the crafty Krapf that I am today.

And so all these parties, and birthdays...I'm gonna relish in them and enjoy it excessively this year. For her. Because she lives on, in me. =)