Superbowl Entertainment FAIL!

Because I am a realist - I'm gonna give it to you guys straight. I really didn't give a steaming shit about who won this SuperBowl. I'm a 'Phins girl til the end. I was kinda rooting for the Steelers for my closest friends' mother (and in-law, respectively), seeing as she is THE biggest Steelers fan. Honestly I was in it for the entertainment and the commercials. I was not as impressed as I had hoped...my appetite for balls-out amazing was just not fully satiated, IMO. And the commercials - they realyl have been lacking the last couple of years. I cant say that any one made me literally laugh out loud.

Let me start with the National Anthem - Cristina Aguilera, you disappoint me. Let me first state that I missed this live, and I am glad. It would have made me turn off the tv. Now, I will say as a lover of many types of music, that her voice is not terrible. Before you gasp in disgust, 'Beautiful' is a wonderful song that actually showcases her vocal talent, which I am not knocking. She DOES have talent, but she overshadows it a lot of the time by trying to blow everyone away with big runs. It's when she gets carried away with the runs that she ruins her songs. Much like that of Mariah Carey's incredulous high-pitched scream that is in every...fucking...song. That shit makes my ears bleed. And I understand that Cristina, (as does Mariah) thrives on this 'signature' on songs, because when she does them right, they can be impressive. However, this is our National Anthem. You need to go in knowing all of the lyrics, and just sing it with beauty and pride. No runs necessary. So I would like to thank you - for butchering the anthem to everyone who is not a blind mute. Think about that girlfriend. Who's the 'superbitch' now?

The game itself was not too impressive to me, because as I said - my heart does not belong to either team. I am an advocate for three things - the 'flying leap' tackles (because it shows your heart is in the game), excessive celebration (they are the top two teams for fucks sake - let 'em be a little cocky) and the pants. (I will say I was admiring the line-up of clinging lycra pants, and the consequential bun buffet.)

This brings me to halftime. The Black-Eyed Peas. Not my favorite group (we all know Pantera stole my heart at an early age) but they do have catchy songs perfect for such a big event. I will say that Will.i.am's crazy plastic hair piece was pretty badass, as were all of the choreographed dancers in the light up costumes. Lots of visual interest. And they pretty much got all of my favorites in that set-list. Fergie - well I'm not a big fan of hers, and the way she sometimes screams at random in a very hoodrat fashion and/or sings away from the mic so that she can't be heard. (That sometimes comes as a blessing though.) Please don't knock me for knocking her - you all heard her solo album. *raises an eyebrow* She's the token "hot chick" of the band. And IMO she has a great body, but her face - something is off. I am not terribly disappointed in the performance, in fact I am going to flat out say that I enjoyed it quite a bit. [side note: though I am not often attracted to black men, if the adjective 'her' were to apply to men, Usher is definitely a 'butterface.' Have you seen the abs, have you seen the man dance? *sings* Oh myyy God! */torturous singing* I am still a huge Ludacris fan though.] Back to the Peas. Upon hearing an unmistakable guitar solo and Slash rising from a black hole in the stage, my panties almost melted off. And then Fergie opened her mouth, and ruined one of my top favorite GnR songs. Why? Why did someone not kill her mic??? This is the Superbowl...! If you are going to cover a song (and believe me there are plenty of other terrible covers of phenomenal songs out there) make sure you are going to compliment the original artist by doing the song justice. Not slicing it open, gutting it, and dragging the bloody carcass of the song across stage. More importantly, never EVER do this at a big event that will be televised throughout the entire country.

So class, hat have we learned today?
a) Commercial scripters are beginning to lack in imagination.
b) If anything is a signature in your music, it should be your singing voice, or musicality - not a random, stretched out vowel.
c) Someone was keeping women in mind when designing the pants.
d) Never, ever disrespect a song that was amazing to begin with, unless you can add something positive to it.

And let me throw this one out there for good measure. Roethlisburger, meet razor. Do not be afraid...he can only make you look like less of a crazed serial rapist.